A jsem tady zase. Moje kafe m\u00e1 tu nejhust\u0161\u00ed p\u011bnu, kterou jsem kdy na kafi m\u011bla. Stoj\u00ed mi v\u00a0n\u00ed m\u00edch\u00e1tko a j\u00e1 z\u00a0toho nem\u016f\u017eu spustit o\u010di. Cht\u011bla jsem mu pomoct, ale je nejv\u00edc marnej. Mo\u017en\u00e1, \u017ee je marn\u011bj\u0161\u00ed ne\u017e j\u00e1 a to je kurva co \u0159\u00edct. Ka\u017edou noc mi nap\u00ed\u0161e p\u0159esn\u011b v\u00a0jednu hodinu, \u017ee ho nebav\u00ed pracovat. A koho to doprdele bav\u00ed? Ale jak\u00fd si to ud\u011bl\u00e1\u0161, takov\u00fd to m\u00e1\u0161. Prej nem\u00e1 ani na j\u00eddlo skoro, ani na n\u00e1jem. Aby \u010dlov\u011bk mohl d\u011blat n\u011bco, co ho bav\u00ed, tak by tomu m\u011bl taky tro\u0161ku n\u011bco ob\u011btovat. J\u00e1 celej den ut\u00edr\u00e1m \u0161\u00edlen\u00fd monstr\u00f3zn\u00ed hovna, kter\u00fd mi ob\u010das z\u016fstanou n\u011bkde na ruce proto, abych o sv\u00fd pauze a ve\u010der d\u011blala to, co m\u011b bav\u00ed, ale co mi nevyd\u011bl\u00e1v\u00e1 (zat\u00edm) tolik, abych mohla j\u00edt ka\u017edej den maso nebo abych m\u011bla kafe s\u00a0tou nejhust\u0161\u00ed p\u011bnou. A proto\u017ee nutn\u011b pot\u0159ebuju mluvit anglicky.<\/p>\n
Dneska r\u00e1no jsem ho u\u017e poslala p\u00e1r jednoduch\u00fdma v\u011btama do prdele. Tak\u017ee dneska v\u00a0noci budu pravd\u011bpodobn\u011b bez zpr\u00e1vy, co u\u017e.<\/p>\n
Posledn\u00ed dobou se mi zd\u00e1, \u017ee v\u0161ude vid\u00edm a v\u0161ude nar\u00e1\u017e\u00edm na t\u00e9ma lesbi\u010dky. Nev\u00edm, jestli jsem si toho za\u010dala jenom j\u00e1 sama v\u00edc v\u0161\u00edmat nebo jestli je zvl\u00e1\u0161tn\u00ed obdob\u00ed nebo jestli se sv\u011bt zase o kus posunul a za\u010dal se m\u00ed\u0148 b\u00e1t. Ka\u017edop\u00e1dn\u011b ona je po\u0159\u00e1d ten nejv\u011bt\u0161\u00ed probl\u00e9m sv\u011bta. Bre\u010dela jsem dvacet minut v\u00a0aut\u011b a nemohla j\u00edt dom\u016f. A kdy\u017e u\u017e jsem z\u00a0toho auta musela vyl\u00edzt, tak jsem pak doma musela lh\u00e1t o v\u0161ech mo\u017en\u00fdch alergi\u00edch a \u017eensk\u00fdch probl\u00e9mech. No a co, v\u0161ak tohle jsou taky \u017eensk\u00fd probl\u00e9my.<\/p>\n
Prej, \u017ee si to m\u00e1m vy\u0159e\u0161it u\u017e kone\u010dn\u011b. Ale j\u00e1 stra\u0161n\u011b nem\u016f\u017eu. Je mi z\u00a0toho blb\u011b. Nem\u016f\u017eu na to ani myslet, nato\u017e to \u0159e\u0161it. A v\u016fbec, j\u00e1 stra\u0161n\u011b nesn\u00e1\u0161\u00edm n\u011bco \u0159e\u0161it.<\/p>\n
A taky nev\u00edm, co vlastn\u011b chci. Na prvn\u00edm kilometru to v\u00edm \u00fapln\u011b jasn\u011b, na druh\u00fdm v\u00e1h\u00e1m, na t\u0159et\u00edm jsem zase pro prvn\u00ed mo\u017enost a n\u011bkdy se na \u010dtvrt\u00fdm rozbre\u010d\u00edm, proto\u017ee prost\u011b nev\u00edm a v\u0161echno je \u0161patn\u011b. N\u011bkdy si \u0159\u00edk\u00e1m, \u017ee vlastn\u011b nen\u00ed \u0161patn\u011b v\u016fbec nic, ale \u017ee se m\u00e1m te\u010fka a\u017e moc dob\u0159e, \u017ee vyhled\u00e1v\u00e1m v\u011bci, kter\u00fd si vnuknu jako stra\u0161n\u011b \u0161patn\u00fd, abych m\u011bla v\u00a0sob\u011b jako k\u00a0p\u0159em\u00fd\u0161len\u00ed n\u011bco nahovno. N\u011bco, co vlastn\u011b fakt v\u016fbec nahovno nen\u00ed a mo\u017en\u00e1 to ani neexistuje.<\/p>\n
A nem\u016f\u017eu j\u00ed vysv\u011btlit, \u017ee to prost\u011b nejde, \u017ee se sna\u017e\u00edm, jak m\u016f\u017eu, ale prost\u011b to nejde. N\u011bkdy se tak stra\u0161n\u011b p\u0159ekon\u00e1v\u00e1m, \u017ee se mi chce zvracet, ale nakonec stejn\u011b skon\u010d\u00edm se skr\u010den\u00fdma kolenama v\u00a0posteli a je mi \u0161patn\u011b, jako v\u017edycky.<\/p>\n
Je tady vedro. Jako\u017ee ne vedro, jenom teplo. Je tady k\u00a0nevydr\u017een\u00ed.<\/p>\n
U\u017e jsem venku.<\/p>\n
Zm\u011bti. M\u00e1m r\u00e1da zm\u011bti.<\/p>\n
Moc tohle ned\u011bl\u00e1m, nem\u00e1m r\u00e1da bejt tady up\u0159\u00edmn\u00e1. Je to jako bejt up\u0159\u00edmn\u00e1 na ve\u0159ejnosti, vyklopit v\u0161echny osobn\u00ed v\u011bci \u00fapln\u011b ciz\u00edm lidem jen tak. V\u011bci, kter\u00fd by mi mohly \u0161\u00edlen\u011b ubl\u00ed\u017eit, kdy\u017e je nap\u00ed\u0161u. \u00dapln\u011b zcela dobrovoln\u011b se zni\u010dit.<\/p>\n
Tak\u017ee ne jen, \u017ee po\u0159\u00e1d nem\u00e1m jasno, ale j\u00e1 asi ani jasno nechci m\u00edt. Asi m\u011b \u00fapln\u011b bav\u00ed \u017e\u00edt v\u00a0t\u00fd nablit\u00ed nejistot\u011b nebo tak, proto\u017ee jinak to nem\u00e1 vysv\u011btlen\u00ed.<\/p>\n
A pak \u00fapln\u011b nakonec, naprosto zni\u010den\u00e1 a dod\u011blan\u00e1 jdu n\u011bkam, kde si mysl\u00edm, \u017ee m\u00e1m kamar\u00e1dy, uk\u00e1\u017eu tam fotku, \u017ee m\u00e1m na prstech stra\u0161n\u011b moc nov\u00fdch flek\u016f a \u017ee se mi chce um\u0159\u00edt a oni se m\u011b zeptaj\u00ed, co to m\u00e1m za lak na nehty.<\/p>\n
To jako v\u00e1\u017en\u011b.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
A jsem tady zase. Moje kafe m\u00e1 tu nejhust\u0161\u00ed p\u011bnu, kterou jsem kdy na kafi m\u011bla. Stoj\u00ed mi v\u00a0n\u00ed…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[13,24,23],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.aguidetolovelossanddesperation.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5569"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.aguidetolovelossanddesperation.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.aguidetolovelossanddesperation.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.aguidetolovelossanddesperation.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.aguidetolovelossanddesperation.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=5569"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.aguidetolovelossanddesperation.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5569\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5570,"href":"https:\/\/www.aguidetolovelossanddesperation.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5569\/revisions\/5570"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.aguidetolovelossanddesperation.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=5569"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.aguidetolovelossanddesperation.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=5569"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.aguidetolovelossanddesperation.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=5569"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}